pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
