Nicole vs. Life
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
