just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
