Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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