Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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