I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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