So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
