I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
