guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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