He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
