I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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