All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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