My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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