he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
