whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
