For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
