party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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