How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
