im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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