if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
