I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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