I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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