Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
