well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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