I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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