Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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