i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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