The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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