I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
