Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
