Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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