i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
