I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
