somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just cropdusted the office
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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