Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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