I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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