i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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