Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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