I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
