ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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