You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
