she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
