you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
