Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
