How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
