maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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