i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
is it fun? or sober?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
