i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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