drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
