Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
