I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
