The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
