I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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