I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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