Barsexuality is the new black.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
