Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
