I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
