Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
