Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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