Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she peed on how many people?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
