my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
