you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
