ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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