so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
