May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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