you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
