Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow

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  (248): I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow http://tfl.nu/a3vb
  Replies (2) Good night (1251) Bad night (490)
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  (925): View more from California

  I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

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  (925): I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me http://tfl.nu/miwp
  Replies (26) Good night (6157) Bad night (861)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.

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  (612): Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place. http://tfl.nu/cfbh
  Replies (19) Good night (1079) Bad night (4844)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.

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  (702): think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010. http://tfl.nu/zikd
  Replies (17) Good night (701) Bad night (3347)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

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  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (9183) Bad night (1371)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times

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  (508): If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times http://tfl.nu/rglo
  Replies (7) Good night (3061) Bad night (871)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

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  (630): Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit. http://tfl.nu/nygb
  Replies (33) Good night (4237) Bad night (1477)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

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  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (3379) Bad night (1744)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?

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  (609): What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion? http://tfl.nu/x6xu
  Replies (6) Good night (619) Bad night (1977)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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  (202): Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that. http://tfl.nu/hdvk
  Replies (14) Good night (2840) Bad night (751)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?

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  (312): Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!? http://tfl.nu/obq2
  Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (408)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.

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  (727): She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit. http://tfl.nu/846j
  Replies (9) Good night (318) Bad night (1025)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out

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  (941): And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out http://tfl.nu/m8h7
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (327)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills

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  (802): New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills http://tfl.nu/1x0y
  Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (422)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list

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  (952): I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list http://tfl.nu/awd8
  Replies (4) Good night (380) Bad night (175)

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