gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
