my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.