Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We're facebook friends in real life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.