my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck