So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.