Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.

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  (626): Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/higf
  Replies (57) Good night (707) Bad night (3272)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  how many servings is brandon's dick?

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  (203): nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body (508): how many servings is brandon's dick? http://tfl.nu/n1yr
  Replies (57) Good night (5214) Bad night (713)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  if i died would you start the facebook group?

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  (330): if i died would you start the facebook group? http://tfl.nu/beoo
  Replies (27) Good night (4369) Bad night (1136)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree

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  (315): I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree http://tfl.nu/o54r
  Replies (4) Good night (4585) Bad night (691)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

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  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (30527) Bad night (2355)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9656) Bad night (1789)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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  (905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4766) Bad night (1259)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

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  (314): not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now http://tfl.nu/x7uc
  Replies (10) Good night (2315) Bad night (1009)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.

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  (901): mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again. http://tfl.nu/wn4g
  Replies (8) Good night (771) Bad night (1439)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.

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  (402): Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this. http://tfl.nu/i32a
  Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (625)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo

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  (613): Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo http://tfl.nu/26vh
  Replies (10) Good night (1995) Bad night (511)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership

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  (256): I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership http://tfl.nu/f2mt
  Replies (7) Good night (971) Bad night (480)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.

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  (719): your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well. http://tfl.nu/esbu
  Replies (5) Good night (1019) Bad night (310)
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  (925): View more from California

  A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.

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  (925): A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/wou7
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (316)
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  (310): View more from California

  My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'

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  (310): My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding' http://tfl.nu/2vdw
  Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (253)

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