His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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