I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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