3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
