You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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