just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
